"Loreena McKennitt would be a perfect singer to listen to while skiing."Doug
Yesterday, Doug and I failed Riley as parents.
Sundays are pretty tame around the Eldridge house. We usually go grocery shopping and then head back home so Doug can catch some z's before heading into work Sunday night. Since next week we are heading up to
Red River to celebrate Riley's first birthday, Doug was a bit antsy to get a new ski jacket so we headed out to a sporting goods store first. Looking back that was most likely our first mistake.
Minutes after getting to the store, Riley starts in with his epic Poop Cry and it dawned on me that we hadn't brought a diaper bag with us. Mistake number two. We finish up our shopping and hurry up to get out of there since the smell was slowly making its way out of the edges of his diaper.
We start to head over to the grocery store and I tell Doug that since his poops have been a bit more of the pallet variety maybe he can take Riley to the bathroom and dump the poop out into the toilet and keep the same diaper on. Doug thinks it sounds like a good idea and heads to the restroom with Riley in tow. That was mistake number three.
Moments later we are all reunited in the cereal aisle and with a sheepish grin on his face Doug says to me, "Riley is going commando." This was obviously mistake number four.
Since we now have a very small window of time to get the shopping done, Doug and I split up in the store in hopes of getting everything we need in a faster amount of time. In the juice aisle I was getting some items off of the shelf and as I was getting ready to start pushing the cart I look down and notice a huge ass puddle collecting under Riley's left pant leg. "Holy mother," I thought to myself, "He just peed all over himself in the grocery store." Trying to play it off and not have the people behind me notice, I quickly walk through said puddle and hurry about my way. We are now up to mistake number five.
Two aisles down I find Doug and tell him the news. "Your son just sprang a leak on the juice aisle and you need to go and check it out." We are now in "Hurry the Hell Up Mode" and pretty much run through the store so we can get the heck out of there. In the checkout lane I am sure the people that were in the juice aisle behind us are now with us in this line and obviously talking shit about my parenting.
We get the heck out of the store and hurry home. Doug says we are just going to change Riley's clothes and lay him down for a nap. Ummm, sure we are -- right after I give him a bath and scrub his bottom like there is no tomorrow.
Riley has been pretty oblivious to the entire situation and just as we are approaching the homestretch we are feeling pretty good about how we handled the entire experience. Riley however must have felt otherwise, because just as Doug was carrying him in he decided to pee one more time, thus drenching the rest of this jeans and now soaking Doug's shirt as well.
Lesson learned: Sunday showers certainly don't bring Monday flowers.
Riley celebrated the BIG "1" last week and as I reflect on the past year, I must say that the one thing that pisses me off the most is the unsolicited parenting advice that seems to be thrown your way every single time you leave the house.
ed was to be told last week that we had to bring in 10 Valentine's Day cards with his name on them. I absolutely panicked. One, these children are 12 months old, are these cards really needed? And two, I wasn't about to be outdone by the other mothers. Gone are the days of picking up a bag of heart candy and a box of valentines at the grocery store. I would have to create the best damn cards these kids and mothers had ever seen.
ruined a brand-new cookie sheet by spilling crayon wax all over it, but that's the price I was willing to pay for being the perfect crafty mother.
"Loreena McKennitt would be a perfect singer to listen to while skiing."
