Advice from an A$$munch

I am going to be honest and say that I am pretty sure my vagina wouldn't be able to handle another round of birthing. I have even started to have PTSD flashbacks now that we are nearing Riley's first birthday and the lovely anniversary of his birth. I might need to up the dose of my meds just so I can get through the next month.

Having all these flashbacks has reminded me of all the crazy things people will say to you when you are pregnant. After you have the kid you are just another parent with an obnoxious child, but when you are pregnant, people feel the need to scold you for all the things you are doing wrong and then proceed to tell you all of their horrible labor and delivery stories.

When Doug and I were going in for my first trimester screening, our ultrasound technician was one of these people. She started the appointment off nice enough but as she continued to check on Riley's development she was getting flustered with how much he was moving around.

"You don't feel him kicking you?" she asked over and over again.

In the back of my mind I was thinking that he was probably the size of a damn lemon at this point in the pregnancy and how the hell would I feel that already? I shook my head no in response and hoped she would finish up soon.

"Are you having crazy cravings?" she asked.

"Sure aren't," I replied.

"Are you eating a ton of sugar? He is just so active. You must be eating a ton of sugar," she said.

"Not really," I responded. "I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch and that was about it."

"Ohhhhhhh, that's it then," she explained. "It's the jelly."

I looked at her as if she had lost her damn mind. There are crackheads out there having babies and I am pretty sure my pb&j sandwich wasn't contributing to Riley's high level of activity in the womb.

Thanks for the diet tips bitch.